In the turn of the New Year, it is only appropriate and self-helping to reflect on the year that has passed. It is the time to think of all the propelling events that serves as keys to a better lived life and especially give thanks to the Universe for another year that we have been blessed with. The year 2018 has brought me into a fluctuating range of emotions, to the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. There are some rides that are memorable than most, but whether it was a negative start to a positive finish, or a blessing in the beginning, I lived it and I learned.
In the beginning of the year 2018, I was filled with angst and self-doubt. My identity was in limbo of who I was and who I am destined to be. I was making impulsive decisions with my life left and right. I was lost and I couldn’t find myself. I was avoidant and denial, concealing my true emotions by hiding the truth from people, even people who deeply care about me. Not realizing that dishonesty with anyone, is dishonesty to myself. I wasn’t aware of the masking then, I was simply trying to survive the nightmares of my reality.
I was living in a pipe-dream, fantasizing about the life I so dearly desired without making any steps towards achieving it. I am a writer, but I didn’t make time to write. I missed my loved ones, but I didn’t make any effort to visit them. I stayed in a toxic relationship that camouflaged my lack of identity and self-respect, I knew this, yet I didn’t leave. I was going out excessively, drinking unreasonably, and having meaningless conversations that deteriorated a part of my being. I was in an unproductive hiatus, and my priorities were misaligned. I was focused on existing in the temporary highs, rather than living in my own truth.
Not until the middle of the year did I suddenly come to an epiphany, like a switch I was enlightened, as if all I have been building up inside me all throughout these years are finally coming to its fruition. Coming out of the deepest stems of my presence, I felt the strongest urge to write, about anything and everything, from nothing to all that I am feeling. I just needed to write. I started listening to the voices in my reality rather than the voices in my head. I gradually built confidence from within that illuminated through my actions. Naturally, I started redirecting my attention on the things that mattered the most, my Family, my Passion, and my Faith.
The year 2018 has brought me pain, agony, suffering, darkness, fear, unanswered questions, trials and errors. At the same time, it brought me understanding, acceptance, life, love and hope. This New Year, I wish nothing but the same. To feel more, to heal more, to give more, to understand more, and to love more. To know our truth, we must endure certain obstacles that are necessary to lead a path of righteousness. We must welcome all energy and have hope in the Universe that all the pieces of the puzzle will eventually find it’s place.